Book Review: A Blessing, Not a Curse.

Talyah Donker Zaira RoemerGreetings Girls Tribe supporter!

How exciting for us to review the wonderful book of our Celebration Day workshop creator and coach Jane Bennett! Her book “A Blessing, Not a Curse- a mother-daughter guide to the transition from child to woman” is an excellent read and tool for anyone in the business of relating

to girls and women. And isn’t that all of us on planet earth, really? All jokes aside: whether you are an educator like us, seeking tools for menstrual health education, or a mother wanting to support your daughter with a rich toolkit in hand, a daughter wanting to truly know herself, or any man (father-brother-husband or boyfriend) eager to support a girl or woman…this is your book!

Let’s dive into the mysteries of a body that bleeds, but is not wounded…Here are 5 key points that Jane makes in this book, that stuck out to us the most.

  1. Explanation of the biological process: The cycling body.

Jane offers a wonderful perspective of women’s stories and experiences of the monthly hormonal surges without sugarcoating the REAL experience! The cycling body does not only refer to menstruation happening for a few days each month, but the biological monthly cycle and hormonal flux in its entirety.

With this book you get a clear understanding of the impact of hormonal changes during menstruation and even the years before the first menstruation (menarche), and the emotional experiences of girls and women because….news flash: There is a LOT happening in a cycling girl’s and woman’s body!!! Just imagine adding peer pressure and puberty into the mix…

She also highlights the variety of experiences that occur between different girls and how to support your daughter once she settles into her cycle.

  1. Societal beliefs: a breakdown of the ‘curse’.

Where did this notion of a woman being cursed come from? While menstruation may seem something to ‘endure’, Jane offers many opportunities to reflect on this belief we hold as a society- and the shame and taboo that are the result of it. Jane eloquently outlines many different phases in history as well as the psycho-emotional impact of biblical stories and fairy tales that are the subconscious root of many of our belief systems and stigmas today.

In current cultural, media and educational systems, it is still assumed that menstruation is something a woman would rather not have. In our modern medical times, menstruation is quickly seen as something to get rid off with pills and other medical interventions (the pill being the mostly used one). Even though it is amazing to have the medical advancements and choices that women have nowadays- and knowing we have come a long way to even have choices- this book offers us a different perspective: the beauty of the natural female state.

The early philosophers, for example, had certain beliefs surrounding the female body: “We should look upon the female state as being, as it were, a deformity- though one which occurs in the ordinary course of nature. Aristotle” In the medical professions back then, menstruation was seen as a sickness.

In this book, the notion the curse is dispelled, replacing it with a positive and enlightened view of menarche and menstruation.

  1. Culture and ceremony: a family affair .  

Although many options and responsibilities come with menarche, Jane offers a celebratory perspective of the experience of woman, and menstruation. On page 68 Jane notes: “This absence of ceremony seems strange- menarche is such a momentous occasion affecting half the population and marking the beginning of 35 to 40 years or more of menstrual cycling, with the ongoing physical, hormonal, emotional, intellectual and spiritual changes that accompany it”.

She also includes information about menarche ceremonies as a true rites of passage from all around the world, such as the traditions of the Navajo Native American peoples, or Indian and Tibetan cultures. For those of us in the west, she offers lists of amazing ideas to celebrate menarche: for example a one-on one dinner out, just with dad can be very profound. It can also be a family affair, with all the female family members giving a present to celebrate the girl’s menarche.

  1. What about pain?!

Jane presents ALL of the menstrual experience, without sugarcoating anything. Both the good and ‘bad’- in terms of severe menstrual pain (dysmenorrhoea) and other health issues such as endometriosis are thoroughly explained and discussed. As solutions, a lush plethora of holistic remedies are highlighted in this book: from practical solutions in terms of removing toxicity from the body, to eating healthy foods, exercise options and health professionals that can be consulted.

Learning to ‘ride’ the menstrual cycle, as Jane explains, helps you be aware of the significant times in the month when you can naturally be more social- or naturally be more quiet by letting the indrawing spirit of menstruation guide you. By riding this cycle that nature offers us (instead of pushing against it) the pain or discomfort can be minimized or even eliminated.

Excerpt from the book:

“To be good role models we all need to care for ourselves compassionately and wisely, particularly if we have menstrual distress…make friends with menstruation. Dance with your menstrual cycles, becoming aware of your rhythms, cycles and needs as an intrinsic part of your spiritual journey and soul life… slowing down is important even if you don’t have symptoms screaming for attention and driving you crazy”.

  1. Tools, tools, and more tools

In need of practical information? this book is full of it! Menstrual hygiene, medical remedies, gear to get ready for menstruation, reflective questions for mothers and cycling or non-cycling women that allow them to connect to their own bodies, AND even reflective questions for men and their relationship to all that comes with relating to women’s monthly cycling. The book also has amazing charts that both mother and daughter can use to track not only their menstruation, but also their thoughts, moods, food cravings, and more. Seeing the patterns and bodily needs at certain times in your cycle helps you prepare for the next cycling month!

And we will leave you with this beautiful quote from the book:

“With menarche, you meet your wisdom, with monthly bleeding, you practice your wisdom, and at menopause, you become your wisdom- North American Indian saying”.

Interested in this book? Get a copy, you will not be disappointed!

Check out our upcoming Celebration Day for Girls dates by clicking here.